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Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Handwritten vaults "part deux"
This is something I wrote in August of '05 and is still something I am working on to this day, "enlightenment"-wise. I was going through a lot of personal drama at the time. I have since cut many of the people out of my life that were contributing to said drama. The following sentiments are also the reason so many blogs make my eyes want to bleed (though I was not referring to blogs at the time) ...
"It's a time to put away all things cruel, anger-ful, resentful, nasty, spiteful, even revengeful. The only true path is that of Happiness, which is so HARD because one has to LET GO, get rid of, purge and CLEANSE oneself of all the attachments to said negative things. So many of us are defined by our gripes, our peeves, our hates, our dislikes, our battles, our quests for 'eye for an eye' et al, that we don't realize how we truly suffer in the process, how we truly LOSE ourselves by groping for external justification, gratification -- 'See, I told you so,' 'See, I was right all along,' etc.
I'm so bored with, so saddened by the inherent cruelty with which we treat one another. The sub/domme, the vampire/host, the liberal/conservative, the rich/poor ... all 'class' warfares. 'I'm right, you're wrong' seems to be the motivating factor behind all who engage in such wars, and I myself have been guilty ...
It's enough to make me CRAVE simplicity, silence, peace, that non-fear ... I feel like I just want to be a happy Buddha sitting on an unfolded lotus flower of Zen. Nothing to complain about, nothing to get worked up about, just, aaaaah .... "
(Uhm, Strawberry Fields Forever? Ha ha ...)
"It's a time to put away all things cruel, anger-ful, resentful, nasty, spiteful, even revengeful. The only true path is that of Happiness, which is so HARD because one has to LET GO, get rid of, purge and CLEANSE oneself of all the attachments to said negative things. So many of us are defined by our gripes, our peeves, our hates, our dislikes, our battles, our quests for 'eye for an eye' et al, that we don't realize how we truly suffer in the process, how we truly LOSE ourselves by groping for external justification, gratification -- 'See, I told you so,' 'See, I was right all along,' etc.
I'm so bored with, so saddened by the inherent cruelty with which we treat one another. The sub/domme, the vampire/host, the liberal/conservative, the rich/poor ... all 'class' warfares. 'I'm right, you're wrong' seems to be the motivating factor behind all who engage in such wars, and I myself have been guilty ...
It's enough to make me CRAVE simplicity, silence, peace, that non-fear ... I feel like I just want to be a happy Buddha sitting on an unfolded lotus flower of Zen. Nothing to complain about, nothing to get worked up about, just, aaaaah .... "
(Uhm, Strawberry Fields Forever? Ha ha ...)
From the handwritten vaults ...
I found some really funny/interesting/downright bizarre writings of mine last night while searching for some blank notebook paper, which is always, inevitably, at the back of used notebooks. One contained a series of entries I made in my French journal that I wrote for French class in college (1997). I wrote a list of "Reasons why exercise is bad" in French. There were also entries on how much I love Tarot Cards, how I smoke too many cigarettes, how my friend Heather and I saw the movie "Anaconda" (WTF? Why would I go see that?), and from what I could understand (my French sucks worse now than it did then), how I had spoken to my ex-boyfriend that day and said that he "est un pseudo-intellectuel, pseudo-musicien, et une pseudo-personne!" Bwahahahah!
I think I would like to track down my French teacher and apologize to her. Especially for that report I did on Belgium. We were supposed to do a report on a French-speaking country and tell the class what it is famous for. I picked Belgium and made a big poster with a color printout of the pissing boy statue in Brussels and pictures of the Smurfs. "Belgium! Home of the pissing boy statue and the Smurfs!" Jeezus Christ. And she passed me. Well, I think I passed the class with extra credit. I didn't do too well on that report. I was supposed to talk about chocolates and lace.
(Image courtesy of TravelPod)
I could read and write when I was 3 years old, but it's obvious that my emotional maturity hadn't made it much past 12 when I was 19. Well, I will blame the Zoloft. And the other drugs I was doing in college. Good god. Or maybe I got something in the vaccinations. Either way, I swear, I ain't right in the head.
Anyway, here's that list on why exercise is bad. Again, my French sucks (and sucked), but I could understand most of this. :)
Plus de Raisons Pourquoi l'exercise est MAUVAIS
1. Il me fait rend fatiguée. Puis, je dors, et nous savons que le sommeil, est une perte de temps.
(Rough translation: It makes me tired, sleepy, and is a waste of time)
2. Il me donne faim. Puis, je mange beaucoup de nourriture, et l'exercise était en vain!
(It makes me hungry, then I eat too much food, making it all in vain -- THIS is still true!)
3. Il est dangereux! Si je fais du jogging, je vais peut-être entre en collision avec une voiture ...
(It's dangerous! If you go jogging, you could get hit by a car!)
4. Il va peut-être faire plus de mal que le bien. Je vois beaucoups des athlètes toujours qui ont les blessures, les béquilles, les plâtres ...
(It seems to do more harm than good. I always see many athletes who have wounds, crutches and casts)
5. Il est trop cher! On doit acheter des chaussures athlétiques, des vetements spandex, des poids; ou, on doit payer pour aller au gymnase ...
(It's too expensive! You've got to buy athletic shoes, spandex clothes, weights, then pay to go to a gym)
On doit acheter un vélo. Puie, on doit aller aux les montagnes faire du velo, et aller aux montagnes, on doit faire une promenade en voiture, et pour une promenade en voiture, on doit mettre de l'essence dans la voiture, et l'essence est très chere!!!
(I couldn't understand all this, but with some help from Babel Fish I said: you've got to buy a bicycle, then you've got to drive to the mountains to ride the bicycle. To get to the mountains you've got to drive your car, and to drive the car you've got to put gasoline in the car, and the gasoline is very expensive)
Alor, l'exercise est MAUVAIS!
And my teacher wrote at the bottom,
"bonne rationalization"
I think I would like to track down my French teacher and apologize to her. Especially for that report I did on Belgium. We were supposed to do a report on a French-speaking country and tell the class what it is famous for. I picked Belgium and made a big poster with a color printout of the pissing boy statue in Brussels and pictures of the Smurfs. "Belgium! Home of the pissing boy statue and the Smurfs!" Jeezus Christ. And she passed me. Well, I think I passed the class with extra credit. I didn't do too well on that report. I was supposed to talk about chocolates and lace.
(Image courtesy of TravelPod)
I could read and write when I was 3 years old, but it's obvious that my emotional maturity hadn't made it much past 12 when I was 19. Well, I will blame the Zoloft. And the other drugs I was doing in college. Good god. Or maybe I got something in the vaccinations. Either way, I swear, I ain't right in the head.
Anyway, here's that list on why exercise is bad. Again, my French sucks (and sucked), but I could understand most of this. :)
Plus de Raisons Pourquoi l'exercise est MAUVAIS
1. Il me fait rend fatiguée. Puis, je dors, et nous savons que le sommeil, est une perte de temps.
(Rough translation: It makes me tired, sleepy, and is a waste of time)
2. Il me donne faim. Puis, je mange beaucoup de nourriture, et l'exercise était en vain!
(It makes me hungry, then I eat too much food, making it all in vain -- THIS is still true!)
3. Il est dangereux! Si je fais du jogging, je vais peut-être entre en collision avec une voiture ...
(It's dangerous! If you go jogging, you could get hit by a car!)
4. Il va peut-être faire plus de mal que le bien. Je vois beaucoups des athlètes toujours qui ont les blessures, les béquilles, les plâtres ...
(It seems to do more harm than good. I always see many athletes who have wounds, crutches and casts)
5. Il est trop cher! On doit acheter des chaussures athlétiques, des vetements spandex, des poids; ou, on doit payer pour aller au gymnase ...
(It's too expensive! You've got to buy athletic shoes, spandex clothes, weights, then pay to go to a gym)
On doit acheter un vélo. Puie, on doit aller aux les montagnes faire du velo, et aller aux montagnes, on doit faire une promenade en voiture, et pour une promenade en voiture, on doit mettre de l'essence dans la voiture, et l'essence est très chere!!!
(I couldn't understand all this, but with some help from Babel Fish I said: you've got to buy a bicycle, then you've got to drive to the mountains to ride the bicycle. To get to the mountains you've got to drive your car, and to drive the car you've got to put gasoline in the car, and the gasoline is very expensive)
Alor, l'exercise est MAUVAIS!
And my teacher wrote at the bottom,
"bonne rationalization"
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