You might be a redneck goth if ...

OMG I had totally forgotten about this list! I was going through some old (5-6 years old) writings of mine and found this link. To my surprise, it's still up!

http://www.upl.cs.wisc.edu/~kilroy/redneck-goth.html

I'll go ahead and cut and paste some of the funniest ones here, just in case the link happens to expire. On this note, I really need to make a movie about redneck goths. Seeing as I have known so many ...

You might be a redneck goth if ...

• your coffin is up on blocks.
• your coffin is lined with a velvet confederate flag
• you have a pair of black latex overalls, with no crotch.
• you smoke cloves in a corncob pipe.
• your hearse has a shotgun rack
• your hearse's horn plays the first few notes of Dixie, in D minor.
• you check the blood type of your victim with a dipstick.
• you don't have two front teeth, but you do have fangs.
• even your teeth are black.
• you're too depressed for incest.
• you have an Elvira pinup in your outhouse.
• Your wife, mother, sister and dominatrix are all the same person.
• You burn upside down crosses.